Too Many Options

After months of painstaking research and serious scholarly inquiry, I have uncovered a comprehensive list of all of the available “Options” that we Christians of 21st Century liberal America can exercise during these most unsettling times. You’re welcome.

  1. Cupich Option – I’m ok, you’re ok
  2. Ligouri Option – You’re definitely not ok and neither am I; in fact we’re probably both going to hell
  3. Romanides Option – The Franks are definitely not ok
  4. Bandera Option – Poles and Russians are definitely not ok; Ukrainians, however, are
  5. Balthasar Option – In the end, we’ll all be ok
  6. Francis Option – Teen joblessness and lonely octogenarians are not ok…neither is global warming
  7. Kennedy Option – However I choose to read the Constitution is ok…and the law of the land
  8. Ignatian Option – Red wine and sumptuous meals are A-Ok
  9. Old-Calendar Option – Everything is ok as long as today is June 24
  10. Bartholomew Option – Recycling is ok, and maybe abortion, too
  11. Lefebvre Option – The liturgical books of 1962 are ok; the Novus Ordo Missae is not
  12. Cekada Option – Neither of those things are ok, but believing the papal see is vacant is
  13. Lewis Option – Pedestrian theology and hard-on-the-nose allegorical kids books are ok
  14. Kierkegaard Option – I wish I were ok…
  15. Marion Option – Ok-ness w/o Being
  16. Schmitt Option – Friends are ok, enemies are not
  17. Straussian Option – Great thinkers say one thing is ok, but really they mean it isn’t ok, unless they do
  18. Schmemann Option – Interpreting the liturgy mystically is not ok
  19. Garrigou-Lagrange Option – To understand the concept of “ok” we must first turn to Cajetan’s authoritative…
  20. Alfeyev Option – Uniates are not ok; ecumenism is ok, unless I am talking to the Russian press
  21. The Remnant Option – Most things in the Catholic Church are not ok, and we’re going to tell you over and over…
  22. Kallistos Option – Birth control is not ok, then again maybe it is sort of ok. Never mind, now it’s ok
  23. Palamas Option – Seeing God’s uncreated energies is perfectly ok
  24. Thomist Option – No it isn’t
  25. Benedict Option – To be determined

0 Comments

  1. gzt
    July 8, 2015

    I’ll take the Ignatian.

    Reply
    1. Stephen
      July 8, 2015

      Tru dat. As they say, the Jesuits take the vow of poverty, but the diocesan priests keep it.

      Reply
    1. gregorystackpole
      July 13, 2015

      I keep looking for a “like” button on this…

      Reply
  2. gregorystackpole
    July 8, 2015

    I wish I _were_ OK — ‘were’ is the subjunctive of ‘to be’, not ‘was’..

    Reply
    1. Gabriel Sanchez
      July 9, 2015

      Fixed. I need a better grammar checker when I write tongue-in-cheek posts. Do you want the gig? It pays in…love.

      Reply
      1. gregorystackpole
        July 13, 2015

        I could use more love.

        Reply
  3. You left out Opus Dei. For some reason.

    Reply
    1. Gabriel Sanchez
      July 9, 2015

      I guess my claim to comprehensiveness was fraudulent.

      Reply
  4. Aethelfrith
    July 10, 2015

    The Anti-Gnostic option: The Hasidim/Amish/Mormons/Muslims are OK, evangelization is not OK

    Reply
  5. […] this post. More on the same blog. David Mills on crunchy Catholics. Gabriel Sanchez has some options. BO for […]

    Reply
  6. Evagrius
    July 12, 2015

    The Gnostic Option: This, then, is the Tetrad begotten according to the likeness of the Uncreated (Tetrad).

    Reply

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