I was distressed to learn a couple of weeks ago that only one priest in my diocese knows how to say the traditional requiem Mass — and he’s around 80 years old. Perhaps that situation will be rectified by the time I am called out of this world, but if it isn’t, I have made my wife promise that I wouldn’t receive a Novus Ordo Canonization for my funeral service. As I told her, “I don’t need people celebrating my entrance into Heaven when I clearly need to be prayed out of Purgatory.” Maybe a kind Eastern Catholic priest will be available to give me a proper sendoff or, absent that, a fine cleric from the Society of St. Pius X (SSPX). I have published articles in their flagship magazine, so maybe they’ll take pity on my predicament. Of course, I am sure if I announced on Facebook and/or Twitter my intention to have an SSPX priest say my funeral Mass, at least a few people would chime in that it would automatically damn my soul to hell before turning back to their hefty tome of Rahner or von Balthasar.