After months of painstaking research and serious scholarly inquiry, I have uncovered a comprehensive list of all of the available “Options” that we Christians of 21st Century liberal America can exercise during these most unsettling times. You’re welcome.
- Cupich Option – I’m ok, you’re ok
- Ligouri Option – You’re definitely not ok and neither am I; in fact we’re probably both going to hell
- Romanides Option – The Franks are definitely not ok
- Bandera Option – Poles and Russians are definitely not ok; Ukrainians, however, are
- Balthasar Option – In the end, we’ll all be ok
- Francis Option – Teen joblessness and lonely octogenarians are not ok…neither is global warming
- Kennedy Option – However I choose to read the Constitution is ok…and the law of the land
- Ignatian Option – Red wine and sumptuous meals are A-Ok
- Old-Calendar Option – Everything is ok as long as today is June 24
- Bartholomew Option – Recycling is ok, and maybe abortion, too
- Lefebvre Option – The liturgical books of 1962 are ok; the Novus Ordo Missae is not
- Cekada Option – Neither of those things are ok, but believing the papal see is vacant is
- Lewis Option – Pedestrian theology and hard-on-the-nose allegorical kids books are ok
- Kierkegaard Option – I wish I were ok…
- Marion Option – Ok-ness w/o Being
- Schmitt Option – Friends are ok, enemies are not
- Straussian Option – Great thinkers say one thing is ok, but really they mean it isn’t ok, unless they do
- Schmemann Option – Interpreting the liturgy mystically is not ok
- Garrigou-Lagrange Option – To understand the concept of “ok” we must first turn to Cajetan’s authoritative…
- Alfeyev Option – Uniates are not ok; ecumenism is ok, unless I am talking to the Russian press
- The Remnant Option – Most things in the Catholic Church are not ok, and we’re going to tell you over and over…
- Kallistos Option – Birth control is not ok, then again maybe it is sort of ok. Never mind, now it’s ok
- Palamas Option – Seeing God’s uncreated energies is perfectly ok
- Thomist Option – No it isn’t
- Benedict Option – To be determined
