On Anti-Universalist Arguments

Collected here, for the first time, are the best arguments against universalism. Decades of research went into this.

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  • Mercy, merit, available only because of + combination of other words, preferably some Latin, too
  • My neighbor’s dog keeps pooping on my lawn. That guy can go to hell.
  • Addendum: That guy should go to hell.
  • If there wasn’t a place of eternal misery, then that forthcoming bliss wouldn’t seem so blissful.
  • “If bliss means worshipping before the throne of Heaven, I’m not sure it’s that blissful…I don’t really like Mass.” (Note: This individual definitely deserves hell.)
  • Suicide. Those who lose all hope, that is, all hope of attaining the iPhone 8xyz w/ IMAX camera and lifestyle stabilization monitoring, need something coming to them.
  • Stet. The planet is overpopulated anyway. Suicide should be incentivized as an act of¬†ecological martyrdom. See forthcoming encyclical.
  • Look, I’m not avoiding all of that great Internet porn for nothing . . .
  • No hell = Paradise Lost plot ruined
  • Seasons of Mist plot ruined, too
  • Most fiction ruined; good expressions lost, cf. Empire Strikes Back
  • Balthasar can’t be right
  • All dogs do not go to heaven
  • Joe won’t either. That guy sucks.
  • For the Bible tells me so.